What Was Lost

David played the "Who's Your Favorite?" Game the other night:  

"Hey, boys, who do you like best, me or mommy?"  

"Mommy!"  They simultaneously said pointing at me and grinning shyly.  

"But who buys you toys?"  

"You do."

"Who takes you out on adventures?"

"You do."

"Who builds domino blocks and magnet space ships and plays with you?"

"You do."

"And who's your favorite?"

"Mommy."

I decided to enter the game, too, thinking I might help turn the tides if I list all the things I *make* them do, "But who makes you practice your reading and writing and do Upstart and workbooks and help me scrub the toilets and tubs and drink your smoothies and eat real food?"  

"You do."

"So who's your favorite?"

"You are."

Both boys immediately crawled not just over to me, but on top of me, petting me, snuggling with me, and nestling into every nook and cranny my arms and lap could offer, wordlessly declaring their allegiance and undying love.  And a billion thoughts washed over my mind and heart as I laid there, holding my boys in my arms.

I recently tried going back to work part-time.  I had what I thought was a very acceptable list justifying my reasons for going back to work:  Professional goals; Staying current with my medical skill set; Contributing financially to the budget; Finding personal and professional fulfillment in something other than doing dishes every day.  I'm pretty sure any stay-at-home mama at one point or another has felt under-appreciated, used, unsure, numb, or maybe like they deserved more than what the banality of the daily routine has to offer.

After my first shift, I knew I was in the wrong place.  I didn't quit because it was too hard, or I wasn't smart enough, or I felt intimidated, or felt guilty, or I'm lazy, or because it's easier to be at home.  

I want my family to know I quit because I see now that

When I make my boys sit down and read and write, I'm really saying 

 Look how much stronger you become when you practice something.

When I make my boys do chores, I'm really saying

Do you notice how different you feel inside when our home is clean?

When they help me in the kitchen, my little sous chefs, I'm really saying

You are capable and smart 

When I read books to them, I'm really saying

This is time well spent, and you are worth every second of my time

When we stick to our daily routine, I'm really saying

This is how you learn discipline and focus and attention to detail

When I don't yell or lose my patience, and instead listen to their side, I'm really saying

I am here to help you navigate those sometimes un-navigable things called emotions--they are deep and wide and sometimes scary, but they are worth it 

When I lay on the floor at night and hold my son's hand while he's falling asleep, I'm really saying

I am not going anywhere; you are safe with me

When they wake up in the morning and the first thing they run to is me, they're really saying

I am so glad you are still here because I need you to keep me safe

When they say, "Watch this, mom!", they're really saying

 You are my constant and give me confidence and a sure foundation

When they run to my side because Daddy is the monster chasing them, they're really saying

I know you are my home base in this crazy world, and you will always make me feel protected from what's out there 

We are saying these things full-time, and I was simply not ready to sacrifice or compromise that relationship.  Every day I stay home with them and do our "normal routine" I am really saying

My husband is worth it

My children are worth it

My home is worth it

I am worth it

More Basement Updates

The shower is nearing completion, and flooring is going in.  It's such a nice, light, airy, and open space--just what we were going for!

Date with Mama

Daddy heard the siren call of man time in Moab and did a little overnight trip for some bike riding and adventuring.  The boys took me on an impromptu date to the Provo City Temple Open House.  I didn't think we needed tickets, since all the neighbors said they'd opened up the lines and tickets were unnecessary.  But they really were still using tickets, which got you in line immediately, and if you didn't have a ticket, you'd still get in, but waiting in the standby line.  So we waited in the standby line.  For an hour and a half.  The boys did really, really great, considering the wait, thought the temple was really pretty, and we went out for dinner afterwards.  

Then we changed into pjs and watched a show and camped out in my bed, which they thought was the best thing ever.

The Painting That Kept On Going

The boys love texture painting.  Sponges, weird sponges, sponges with handles, etc.  They also decided they wanted to glue beads and sparkly jewels on their paintings.

Max loves turning any and everything into a space ship of some kind.  There it is, blasting through space before making an emergency landing on his painting.

Our little thinker.  Where does this bead belong?...

After dinner, when the paint was dry, Pace wanted to add another layer to his painting and he drew a bunch of "Mom"s in hearts and the Axiom (his two latest obsessions, his mama, and the space ship from WallE).

And then the next morning, the boys wanted to do splatter painting on top of their texture paintings.  So I got some food coloring paint ready and they were occupied for at least an hour!  I love that they were mixing media, techniques, textures--all of their own volition!

Making Messes

I don't know why I spend 1/4 of my day cleaning.  It all gets thrown all over the place two seconds after I clean that room.  When I asked Max what happened, he said, "The magnets made the mess."  Little goober.

One day playing outside in Coombs Lake, the boys went next door to gather friends to play, and I found the cutest thing--Max climbing up on the stool to ring the bell and Pace spotting him and holding the stool stable.

We found a very cute game the boys loved.  It's called Engineering Ants.  You have to try and rescue 3 ants and get them back to the anthill before the ant eater gets them.  There are obstacle cards along the way--a forest fire, a piranha, a waterfall, etc., and as a team you have to construct something to help you get over the obstacle.  The boys loved it!

This is what we created to get over an angry bear:  The big spotlight popped up and shone on the bear, blinding and disorienting him, then while he was stumbling around confused, the basket fell on him, making him stumble back into the chair, after which we tied him up.  BOOM.

Coombs Lake

At the very end of the Foggy Week, we had a huge rainstorm blow in.  It was windy and rainy in the morning and sleeting/snowing in the afternoon, and then more rain.  The combination of just having a super cold week that froze the ground, and then the inches of rain we got in one day made a fairly good-sized lake in our backyard.  While we were making our patio and retaining walls last fall, everyone asked what we were doing for drainage, and if we were concerned.  We were not concerned at all, and thought it was the silliest question we'd every heard.  1. We live in a desert.  2. There's sand under those rocks. 3. When it does rain, it's always evaportated within minutes.  We angled the patio slightly down away from the doors, and toward the little planter areas in the corners.  We have never had a problem, even with all the snow--we just push it into the corners.  Well, even in that rainstorm drainage wasn't a problem...until the huge lake in our backyard started overflowing and poured down our retaining walls, and started filling up one of the planter corners.  Our drainage was fine...the builder's drainage was another thing all together!  When David got home from work he shoveled dirt to make a little dam, and that kept Coombs Lake at bay.   

The next day was sunny, and the boys were out playing.  The first day they came back inside with their snow boots dripping wet and muddy.  The next day they came back inside with their sneakers dripping wet and muddy.  After that, I decided it was worth investing in galoshes, even though huge rainstorms like this are few and far between.  I wasn't going to be washing a drying shoes, or sending the boys out in wet shoes to play everyday!  They--as well as all the neighbor kids--have been in their rubber boots on a daily basis, even after the lake dried up!

I sent this photo to the builders to see if they had plans for dumping more dirt in this lower area.  They came out the same day to inspect our "lake", and said if it becomes problematic they'd definitely dig a trench so it wouldn't drain down our basement area.

And just a few days later...they were back to building dirt sand castles and forts.

RAINBOWS!

The boys were so excited one afternoon to find a rainbow on the floor, they called me up to help them "discover the rainbow mystery".  We found the sunlight shining through the window and bouncing off a boardgame, shining the rainbow on the floor.  Pace ran and got the crayons to draw what he observed in his notebook.

Later that week we headed back to the car shop to fix a pump they'd ordered in.  Pace wanted to draw more rainbows while waiting, so he packed the colors he'd need for his drawing.  He picked the colors by getting his rainbow-colored chameleon stuffed animal, and picking out the crayons that matched the colors on his stuffed animal. 

You know you're one of "Those Runners" when you wake up on a dark, February morning, see it's 30 degrees outside, and your first thought is, "Wow, it's so warm!"

Our local library has so many great programs for kids!  We're currently working on 1,000 Books By Kindergarten for Pace.  We made it halfway through the other week, and brought our 500 book list to the librarians for a surprise.  Last summer when we were working on the summer reading program, Pace saw some older kids getting "light up balls" as their prizes, and he was really hoping for that with his 500 booklist.  He didn't get a ball...he instead got a bag with a new book to read, a little coloring book and crayons.  So we also went out for a cheeseburger and fries, for an extra prize, haha.  I did the math and found we have to read 3 books a day to make the next 500 before Pace goes to school.  I try and get him to read 1 book to me, and I'll read 2 to him, but there are days that he's tired after Upstart and the reading he's done on there, that I end up reading 3 or more books to him.  

There are also some days Pace doesn't want to do Upstart, saying he hates it and hates reading.  On those days, when he uses the "Hate" word, I give him the option of doing it that day, or on Saturday.  He always chooses doing it later, and then Saturday comes, and he realizes he has to do Upstart, when he'd rather play.  I also try and stick to a pretty tight routine--we do breakfast, foundations, then reading and Upstart first thing, so he can play the rest of the day.  There are some days he whines about that and asks me to set a timer, and we'll do Upstart when the timer goes off (after the third or fourth time, haha).  Anyway, he's learning it's best to do the work first thing, so he doesn't have to stop playing and do work later.  I'm trying to find the balance of letting him learn that and sticking to a routine... 

(Pace gave me a nice smile and a silly smile.)