a decision for our children

i want our kids to know this decision we made, and how we came to its conclusion. when pace was born, we didn't look at our budget and really evaluate if we'd be ok on a single income, we just said, "well, we want me to be a full-time mom, and david will be the full-time supporter." so we did that. pace is now 9 months old, and we have had a struggle every month, whether it's been trying to scramble last minute to make sure we have enough for mortgage, or depleting our savings to pay back our overdraft protection account, or paying off debt (we have 1 car loan and 5 student loans we are working on--our projected debt-free date is august 2013 as of right now). we don't live in a house with a mortgage payment that is too much for us, david gets paid weekly, and we have all our bills spread out weekly instead of biweekly to make it manageable. on paper, our budget looks great and there is no reason to overdraft. it became very disheartening and frustrating for both david and me to watch him work 10-12 hour manual-labor work days and have his paycheck already spent by the time friday rolled around.

three months ago, after one particularly hard month--when we realized we would yet again overdraft for mortgage--i received an email from broadview university saying they had a full-time teaching position available if i was interested. before buying our house, i worked in slc at a tech school teaching medical assistant classes. in an attempt to cut out my commute, i tried to find a teaching position here in the valley. i interviewed at utah career college, but they only had part-time available, so i didn't pursue it further. they told me they would keep my resume on file. two years later, utah career college is now broadview university, and they contacted me seemingly out of the blue.

when i received the email, i was unsure about what direction to take. was this an answer to prayer? although i really didn't want to work outside the home, was this something i should pursue? i didn't want to automatically respond "no" if this was the Lord's way of saying, "you're capable of working, here is how I am going to help you." so i emailed a list of questions in return--day or evening classes, how many classes, would i get paid for lesson prep as well as classes, what would the pay range be, etc. when they wrote back saying it was for an evening position, and i would be paid for 20 hours prep and 20 hours teaching, i felt even more compelled to think it was an answer--i would only need a sitter for pace for a couple of hours until david got home from work, instead of having to be away from him all day. we arranged an interview.

before going in to the interview, david and i talked about what we'd be willing to have me do--how much time would be devoted to this position. we both agreed working 40 hours outside of the home was the least agreeable, and i'd see if they'd let me do the 20 hours of lesson prep at home, or if they'd even be willing to hire two part-time teachers. the interview went great. i felt very comfortable, my teaching demo went smoothly, and the staff seemed like they'd be great to work with. during the interview, however, i made it very clear i was unwilling to work 40 hours outside the home, and posited my two options--lesson prep at home, or working part-time. i was very adamant that i would accept the position hands down if it were part-time. they said they were just beginning the interview process and would contact me within the next 3-4 weeks.

during that time, david and i talked about where my paychecks would go. we decided it would go into the separate account we have for savings/debt, not our normal checking account for bills/etc. so if we weren't even going to use my paychecks for normal day-to-day life, we still needed to make changes to our budget. i also stopped by a friend's to talk with her about possibly having her son watch pace (we taught him in primary in another ward, and have kept in touch--he's now 13!) she's taught financial planning classes before, so she sat down and asked me about our situation--if there was anything we could cut out. we don't have cable, we don't have fancy phones, we don't text, we don't even recycle anymore since that cost $10/month. she gave me an interesting statistic: working mothers bring home an average of 20% more than what the family would have without her working. she said, "is it worth 20%, or can you make do with 20% less?"

around this time, we also got the ensign. the first presidency message was by president uchtdorf, "brother, i'm committed". he said, "those who are only sort of committed may expect to only sort of receive the blessings of testimony, joy, and peace. the windows of heaven might only sort of open to them....commitment to our covenants with the Lord is a fruit of our conversion. commitment to our Savior and His Church builds our character and strengthens our spirit so that when we meet Christ, He will embrace us and say, "well done, thou good and faithful servant" (matt 25:21)." we looked at each other and said, "we need to be committed!"

up to that point, we would look at our bills and say, well, this week we have enough to cover mortgage, but we won't have enough for tithing. so we'll have to pay it next week. this would go on for a few weeks at a time, until we had a nice little "tithing fund" going. were we paying tithing? yes. were we fully committed to the Lord and putting our covenants first? no. so we made three changes to our budget, and one behavioral change.

change#1: each friday, when david got a paycheck, we would withdraw cash for tithing. we would then use the remaining balance, after tithing, for bills.

change#2: being honest with ourselves. i am addicted to grocery shopping. i could care less about clothes, hair, shoes--i feel safe and security when i see food on the shelves. i was spending way too much on groceries. at the beginning of the year we joined "bountiful baskets", a food co-op. we bought the $15 basket every other week, but on the off weeks, i felt like we needed groceries, and would go overboard. so we decided to buy the basket every week. that way, all i would need to do was get online, pay a set fee, and pick up our groceries on saturday. i wouldn't need to step foot in a grocery store, which is really good for my addiction. so we spend $60/month on produce, and spend $50 every other week to get things like milk, cheese, meat, etc.

change #3: we thought we were being conscious and saving the extra from david's paycheck the week before mortgage to go with his paycheck the week of mortgage, but based on the number of times we've drawn on our overdraft protection, we obviously weren't as conscious as we thought. so now we are physically including that into our written budget--half of mortgage the week prior, and half the week of.

behavior change: using our "coupons". david and i are really bad about the fine details of saving receipts, balancing a checkbook, recording and documenting everything--it's too tedious and we don't stick with it. we are, however, really good about monitoring overall behavioral patterns. so a few years ago david suggested we use coupons to help with our budget. we got out of the habit when we were both working full-time, but we pulled them out and brushed them off. we even re-evaluated which coupons would still work for us, which ones we didn't need, and created a couple new ones. the coupons are things like "one book coupon", "one movie rental or movie theater date coupon", "junk food grazing coupon", "take home dinner coupon", etc. we have these set coupons to use for the month, and we look at each week after tithing, after bills, and decide if we do have anything extra, which coupon are we going to use. and then we take it off the fridge, and that's it until next month.

so that first sunday after making this decision, we pulled all our resources and completely paid in full the tithing fund we had accrued. we were committed. my prayers also changed from "help things align so i can get this job" to "regardless of the outcome, help us to feel like the outcome is doable". david and i saw results immediately. so much so, we decided to go ahead and tell broadview i wanted to have my name removed as a candidate for the position. they called me the next day to tell me they downgraded the position to part-time, and they wanted me to come in for a second interview. i told them i would talk about it with my husband and call them back.

at this point i again felt like this was something maybe the Lord was handing me, and i didn't want to be ungrateful and turn it down. i felt especially caught because it seemed as though they had downgraded the position for me. on paper, it looked great--teaching 1-3 classes a week. but when david and i discussed the logistics more seriously--office hours, prep time, grading, time and money so i could recertify both my CMA and CHES--i would be at work a minimum between 4pm-11pm, 1-3 nights a week, and an off chance of teaching during the day on fridays. david would get home from his very long and hard day to pace, who melts down and is ready for bed by 7pm, then he'd have to clean the dinner dishes that i would have made during the day so he could have dinner, straighten up the house, get pace to bed, blah blah blah--we realized although many families can and do do that, that was simply not the direction we wanted our family to go in. we realized we wanted to be committed instead. so i declined their offer.

since that time--we haven't overdrafted a single time, we haven't touched our second account (which means savings), we have had enough for mortgage, we had extra one week to spontaneously purchase a 6-piece patio furniture set that was on clearance for $85 (down from $200), and we've paid an extra $500 on debt. i know what you are thinking, because i thought it, too--we became more disciplined, that's all. one of my mission presidents always quoted elder packer, "true doctrine, when understood, changes attitude and behavior." i testify there is more to it than discipline. we have felt a change of heart. our outward behavior is reflecting our inward reverence and respect for our covenants. when we are fully committed to the Lord and our covenants, He is fully committed to us. president uchtdorf said, "there is a difference between intention and action. those who only intend to commit may find excuses at every turn. those who truly commit face their challenges squarely and say to themselves, "yes, that would be a very good reason to delay, but i made covenants, and so i will do what i have committed to do." "

david and i intend to have a committed home.